Modern Jewelry Trends

In the grand tradition of our Million Dollar Bling video, today we celebrate the year’s top ten over-the-top diamond-encrusted objets. Extra points for functioning electronics, of course. (Planned Obsolescence + Forever = Cognitive Dissonance.) No diamond-covered phones or diamond pave USB drives allowed because they’re just too common these days.

10. Philips Diamond-Set Television Set: Yes, those are 2,250 diamonds on a TV! This is the winner in the sightholder category this year, despite stiff competition from a diamond ice cream cone, a diamond dress, and a diamond steering wheel, although it can’t compare to the diamond lost in a crash of a race car last year. This, no doubt, is exactly what De Beers had in mind when they developed Supplier of Choice.

9. Million Dollar Laptop by Luvaglio: You can’t show a million dollar laptop to just anyone, obviously, so the Luvaglio website is “by appointment only.” Sadly, I am unable to confirm that the laptop comes in pink for the ladies. But in the photo Engadget no doubt purloined, the diamonds are confined to the power button. May I suggest that this is perhaps a bit too discreet for anyone who wants a million-dollar laptop?

8. Diamond-Studded Computer Mouse: Actually the flower-pattern diamond mouse, priced at about $26,775 for “high net worth shoppers,” is pretty conservative for this company, aside from the price. Diamonds are confined to a flower pattern on the top of the old-fashioned bar of soap style mouse. Compare to the torso mouse. Or the chili pepper mouse, which is definitely my favorite.

7. 24k Gold and Diamond Widex Hearing Aid: The most unusual entry on the list is bling for the hard of hearing. I like the idea of proudly celebrating the hearing aid instead of trying to hide it but this might go a bit too far. The large diamond encrusted logo is an especially nice touch. Is that a gold and diamond banana behind your ear?

6. JooZoo Diamond-set Pet MP3 Player: What sets this apart from your dime-a-dozen diamond pave iPod shuffle players is that this diamond-covered mp3 player is designed for your dog. (That explains the amount of hair in the photo.) It’s supposed to calm your dog’s nerves to wear a gold and diamond pendant that plays music. It would make the dog more stressed out to be mugged, however, so it might be a wash.

5. Diamond and 18k Gold Gameboy: Dot matrix with stereo sound! 1989 is calling….The item points out the general problem with adorning electronics. I can imagine giving this as a gift and the recipient would think “what? why didn’t you set diamonds on a Nintendo DS or a Wii instead of this obsolete black and white fossil?” The pattern on the gold also says 1989 to me.

4. Million Dollar Lure: This one actually makes sense. Especially if you’re fishing in the fountain at The Bellagio or the canals of The Venetian.

3. Solitaire Kicks: These white and aqua patent leather Nike Air Force 1 sneakers with eight carats of champagne diamonds are priced at $50,000. I’m not sure the champagne diamonds go with the shiny aqua soles though. Apparently Big Boi of Outkast will show up if you promise to give him a pair.

2. Icepik Toothpick Sleeve: The site explains it best: “The first diamond encrusted toothpick sleeve, and we call it the Icepik. Each Icepik is hand crafted, and set in elegance beyond compare by our goldsmiths who have been in the industry for over 30 years. No Icepik will ever be the same due to this fact. All Icepiks are set on 18k gold to keep a better shine, and keep from tarnishing. You slide your average round toothpick into our patented round 18k gold cylinder, and there you have the start of a new look on life. Your wooden toothpick still sits in your mouth, but on the outside your toothpick looks like a piece of art. We suggest you get a Icepik if you are a person who likes to stand out beyond the rest.”

1. Damien Hirst’s “For the Love of God”: The world’s most expensive piece of art sold $100 million, even if he did have to buy it himself. Real teeth! Big diamonds! Bigger pretention! Because all art should aspire to a Guinness World Record.

For more diamond-covered fun, check out Wired’s Worst Diamond-Encrusted Gadgets of All Time.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 20th, 2007 at 9:04 pm and is filed under Consumer Pulse. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.