The Last Word
Perhaps the most succinct and devastating critique of the diamond industry and its efforts to defuse the controversy created by Blood Diamond comes from comedian Stephen Colbert, on the Colbert Report, a four-times a week deadpan pitch-perfect parody of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly. The critique of the diamond industry takes place in The Word, the signature comedy segment of the show (with printed subtext commenting on and undercutting Stephen’s monologue.) The Word is “Clarity.”
You can view the video through that link, but here’s a preview: “The point is while it’s horrible to hear about these human rights violations a lot of it is hype. Let’s look at the facts. The diamond industry is now regulated by a rigorous oversight system called the Kimberley Process. (”A diamond is like, totally forever.”) The Kimberley Process tracks diamonds from mine to store to make sure incoming shipments are conflict free, (Until they reach married couple) and it relies on what is historically the best way to check industrial human rights abuses: voluntary compliance and self policing. (Works for global warming) The best part is the guys who came up with the process if the diamond industry. They’re not gonna lie to themselves! (If they do, they’ve go perfect make-up gift.) So clearly they’ve cleaned up their act but the word isn’t out, someone’s got to spread the message. Well riding to the rescue is hip-hop impresario Russell Simmons. Mr. Simmons just came back from a fact finding mission in Africa where he found “diamond mining today ninety nine and 3/4 percent clean.” That is 31/100th of a percent cleaner than Ivory Soap. (Ivory Coast still dirty) If there were any real problems with the industry, one of the De Beers representatives who led Russell Simmons on his tour would have said so. (Falling on def ears) Plus Simmons will clearly bring an objective view to this issue. For proof, just check out his jewelry company, where you can get your lady a Hello Kitty yellow gold pavé diamond ring. What better way to tell her: I love you, I don’t want to exploit anybody, and I wish you were a 12-year-old Japanese girl. So this Christmas folks, head on down to that jewelry store and remember, nothing says “I love you” like spending the monthly food budget on a pair of earrings she’s afraid to wear in public. (Except to “Save Darfur” gala) And all that really matters is that diamonds are beautiful, and something that beautiful could only come from a beautiful industry. (A beautiful mine).”